Dear Harpeth Hills,

Just today I heard another story of a friend enduring a painful statement from a well-meaning acquaintance at a time of tragedy. The statement was something along the lines of, “It was God’s will that he died.”

People who feel the need to say something in moments like this should take a lesson from my mentor, Jimmy Moffett.

Brother Moffett and I were making hospital visits one afternoon. At Methodist North we met a woman from church and talked to her in the hospital hallway. She was distraught. The doctor had just told her that her mother did not have long to live.

This was one of the first times I had been in this situation, so I leaned in to hear what Brother Moffett would say. I needed to learn how to answer such piercing questions like ‘why do bad things happen to good people’ or even ‘why do our Mamas have to die anyway?’

What do you say in moments of heartache?

Brother Moffett listened attentively. He grunted several times—the kind of noise you make that says I am listening, tell me more, oh my, or I am so sorry. A single sound can actually convey multiple messages. He held her hand and listened as she poured her heart out. Then he tenderly prayed with her.

That woman all those years ago knew that her preacher cared about her enough to show up at the hospital and would in fact continue to pray for her. The preacher did not attempt to answer the ‘why’ question or offer cliches. He simply showed up, listened, and prayed.

What do you say in moments of tragedy? What I learned that day was—you don’t have to say anything. But you do have to care.

I love you.

—Chris Smith